A State of Serenity

The noise has stopped.

There is a very unfamiliar sense of serenity right now.

I’m not sure why, but my mind is less noisy these few days. The usual incessant chatter in my head is quietening down and my mind is darting from topic to topic less frequently. The usual torrent of information in my head trying to organise and sort itself out doesn’t feel like it’s forcing itself through my mind, and I can just…breathe.

Stress and anxiety linger at the edges, but for now, they’re distant. A rare peace takes their place. It’s a strange feeling. Usually a lot of my energy is spent dealing with the constant imaginary conversations in my head, often multiple conversations at once. Today, there isn’t the constant compulsion to listen to a podcast to drown out the mental conversations.

I can’t tell if it’s just some form of acceptance that what will happen will happen, and that there is no point of stressing over it, or if I’ve buried my head in the sand in some form, and just kicked the can down the road.

Taking into account that we’ve all been sick these few days, with doctor visits, pharmacy purchases, and I also probably just caused a whole carton of milk to go bad, it’s surprising that I’m in this state. Issues like those usually keep me in a state of perpetual agitation.

Even as I write this tonight in the kitchen, I just feel calmer, less agitated, and almost happy. Either way, I feel comfortable enough to open up the laptop, pour myself a Guinness, and write this out, without any serious emotions like guilt, anxiety, stress, and depression. I’m walking and typing slower, but am doing things in a more relaxed manner without the extreme sense of urgency and anxiety.

For an overthinker, this quiet is foreign. But I won’t question it. I’ll just be grateful, and let it linger. Perhaps even learn how to consciously enter this state in the future.

On a funny note, writing this also reminds me of The Serenity Now episode from Seinfeld.